Coping with Loss for the First Time

You learn a lot of things as a child. You learn to walk and talk, how to handle sharing, and how to work with others. One thing your parents and teachers never teach you is how to cope with tragedy. Death is usually harder to handle as a child because it is difficult to understand. Usually, your family is there constantly as a child to comfort and help you understand. No one tells you how to cope with death as an adult. What happens when you don’t have someone constantly reassuring you that everything will be okay, and you are expected to move on as if nothing has happened? Sadly on September 7th, I lost my beloved grandmother, who I called Gogo. She lived a very long, beautiful life full of love and great experiences. She had six children who she loved greatly and at least 33 grandchildren, plus all of her nieces and nephews. I have so many fond memories that I carry with me. These include her hiding candy in her pockets to give it to me behind my parents backs, going to breakfast on the weekends, and doing crossword puzzles at my kitchen table. We would write each other as often as we could after I moved away from home, and not a day will go on that I won’t miss those letters. This is the first death I have experienced of someone so near and dear to my heart. We had always been very close growing up, and coping with the loss has honestly been one of the hardest things I have had to do. Although I am still struggling, I have realized that there is a lot I have learned from this tragedy that I would like to share with someone who may need it as well.

I have also learned that you are usually not alone in the situation, and there are people who care for you and have been through the same exact thing. Whether they knew the loved one you lost or not, those who love and care for you understand how painful it is to lose someone you care for. Very rarely will someone look at you after losing someone and say to “get over it.” No one expects you to move on right away and will try their best to help even if they don’t say or do the right thing. They care, and it is okay to let them help. The support system you have is there for a reason. This is especially true with family. Whether you are close to your entire family or not, they all lost someone. They lost a huge part of their lives as well and it is okay to share in the sorrow with them. At that moment, they are the only people who truly understand the pain you went through and are the only ones who will be carrying on the memories of the one you lost. They are also able to remember all the good times with you. Lean on them for support. Cry to each other and don’t be afraid to talk to them.

Acceptance will come eventually. Everyone tells you to focus on the good things about the person who passed, and it really is true. Thinking about all the stories of my grandmother and hearing things from my family I never knew has really helped me cope and laugh again. Sorrow comes in waves. You will cry and wonder why it happened, and that’s okay. Everything eventually will come together and you will be able to continue on in their legacy. Focus on how wonderful their life was and how great of a time you had with them. Whether you lost a member of your family, a friend, or a pet, know that their life had so many more good times than bad, and hopefully they are at peace. I know deep down my grandmother would want me to continue on, and I will try to do that for her; just as I'm sure whoever you lost would want the same. The pain you feel is only temporary and you will eventually be able to find a light of hope at the end of it all.